There are a few key traits we can all agree are cornerstones of a healthy relationship: trust, open communication, love and understanding. While we tend to focus on those to keep our partners happy, it's also wise to be aware of common issues that you might not even realize are harming your relationship.

Redditors have recently been discussing mistakes that couples often make that can be detrimental to their relationships. Whether it’s becoming too comfortable and forgetting to make your partner feel special or focusing too much on the negative aspects of your spouse, we've gathered some of the best insights below. Be sure to take note of any advice that might save your relationship and upvote the info that you wish you had learned sooner!

#1

Accommodation to avoid any conflict. At the time I was working through a lot of childhood trauma and I didn't know better, now I do. I lost my identity trying endlessly to please him so he wouldn't abandon me, but he was going to do that anyway. You can't and shouldn't have to earn love from people, and them betraying and disrespecting you is a cue to exit, not a sign to "try harder.".

Image credits: Cheese_whizkid

#2

Telling my friends about all of our fights.

Image credits: alliereev

#3

Not immidiately stopping the wedding when he said "Once we're married, the mask comes off." I stupidly assumed it was a joke.

Image credits: Teacher_Crazy_

#4

Took a nap one day, she thought I was cheating . Big blowup argument I found out she was cheating on me

Image credits: Aangs-correlation756

#5

Focusing on all of the things they aren’t giving you instead all of the things they do give you. (I’m in a happy marriage, but I did used to do this. I became happier and our marriage became stronger when I stopped).

Image credits: ChainIll6447

#6

Oversharing. I know that with your partner you should be able to talk about everything. But sometimes I should kept my mouth shut.

Image credits: pepan8

#7

Doing too f*****g much, and getting *nothing* in return.

I did this grown mand laundry, I cooked, I cleaned, I bathed the animals, he did f**k all except cheat on me.

When I asked why he didn't leave because, clearly, he didn't love me. He said "I just loved having someone to come home to.

Now in happily married and we just had our daughter. He still stalks me on social media, I'm sure because he had a million burner accounts and I couldn't possibly remember the names for all of them to block them.

Image credits: OkWorry2131

#8

Assuming they’d do something that they said they would. Honestly, that’s my bad.

Image credits: BuhDumTsch

#9

Told her the truth about me being bi, and she always held it against me. But my daughter came out as pan and she didn't bat an eye.

Image credits: Firefly1265

#10

She expected me to know why she was mad at me without communicating to me AT ALL about what was bothering her. I'm completely open to correcting reasonable things that bother a partner, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what it is. I broke up with her after she was all pissy and telling me I should know exactly why she's mad for TWO DAYS. Eventually she relented and told me she was mad that I watched a new episode of a show we normally watched together. Which, granted, I did do. But that was the final straw in the no communication issues we had.

Image credits: davethapeanut

#11

Having to be right about everything.

Image credits: Sad_Bandicoot3081

#12

Getting too comfortable with doing the bare minimum. Take her on dates and buy her flowers before you wish you could again.

Image credits: Cheesy_Whisker

#13

She kept fallin onto other dudes dongs, I hate it when that happens.

Image credits: bonerland69

#14

He told us we shouldn't talk to our individual friends about our relationship issues because they'll "always take our side". 3 days before our breakup he talked to 2 friends about our relationship issues and yes, they took his side. Meanwhile I'd been telling my friends everything was fine with us when it wasn't, and looking back if I had spoken to friends about it I would've had the strength to break things off a lot sooner.

Image credits: ThrowRARAw

#15

Trying to communicate with someone who couldn’t receive or recognize healthy communication, and then not ending things as soon as he turned resentful and cold towards me, but foolishly thinking that somehow we could communicate as to why he was suddenly treating me poorly. Even if you create a safe space for communication, if the other person isn’t willing to do so, it’s pointless. It’s silly now to think that “I ruined the relationship” for being open and transparent.

Image credits: Just-Cup5542

#16

Lack of communication, he never told me about what he thought or how he feels about our relationship. Those feelings just compounded over time until he ultimately called it quits.

I wish he talked to me, we could've figured it out together. I was always in the dark and didn't even see the break up coming. Hurts, but I think it was just meant to be.

Communicate with your partner, be transparent. Helps both parties.

Image credits: Huge-Resource5085

#17

Staying quiet waiting for the appropriate time to communicate.

Created an unneeded stressful environment that could have been avoided by just talking it through immediately.

Thought I was doing the right thing by waiting for a better time.

Image credits: Own-Being-1973

#18

In my last relationship, I was with someone who had an addiction. Since I had tried light d***s before, the whole relationship brought me down. When I got out of that relationship and met someone new who was super nice and decent, I messed things up by telling him about my past d**g use upfront. He made it clear that he didn't approve of it. I told him I would stop and that I wouldn't let something silly like that ruin a good relationship. After 3 months of being together, he wanted some space to figure out how to proceed because of his stressful job, frequent travel, and recent divorce. I gave him the space, but then I slipped back into d**g use myself. Long story short: I lost a great man because of d***s.

Image credits: EazyG0ing

#19

Putting up with things but complaining about them instead of running from them eg red flags. Because you want a relationship to work. Instead of realising this person is an idiot and leaving. But safe to say that was a very long time ago and I've moved on.

If ur having to ask for human normal decency but think it's just because they abit blind but I'll help them see. Get out and get therapy because maybe you went through something b4 this.

Image credits: Considerationwho

#20

Getting married before I had embraced my true sexuality because it conflicted with the conservative values I was raised with. I was lying to myself more and therefore unintentionally lying to my partner.

Oh, the other mistake was falling victim to the sink cost fallacy multiple times between the first sign of incompatibility and the most recent backing out of a divorce

Oh, and having a kid to “fix things”.

Image credits: PissBloodCumShart

#21

Taking her for granted.

Image credits: anon

#22

I was a “if they want me to know, they’ll tell me” person married to a “if they care about me, they’d ask” person.

#23

Last relationship was 12+ years ago. Honestly, it ended because I lost an unborn daughter.

I haven't been hugged or kissed since then, I don't exactly know how to get back into the game, or even if I really even care enough to try again.

#24

Trying to do everything I could to make him more comfortable, to unhealthy extents. He had a short fuse, so I often ignored my own wants and needs in order to not stir the pot. This included not directly telling him when he overstepped boundaries as to not hurt his ego and risk him getting pouty. It meant not having a talk about what I wanted and needed in bed because he had expressed exasperation when what he tried wasn't working for me and I didn't want to further hurt his ego. It included walking on eggshells when he struggled with his mental health. It included doing everything his way (or trying to at the very least), which resulted in an unbalanced relationship and me feeling like I wasn't an equal, which was actually one of the reasons for the eventual break-up.

#25

Choose who you let in to your life carefully. Even people who initially have good intentions can end up taking a lot away from you. Even losing something as simple and intangible as your inner peace can end up being a much longer term thing than initially occurs to us.

#26

I was so overly confident that he will not cheat and I trusted him SO MUCH. not good, I got played so bad.

#27

Constantly asking for bare minimum. You feel like s**t for asking, they feel s**t because they feel that you’re nagging them. The cba attitude is really unattractive and it ain’t your person. Just walk away and have peace for yourself.

#28

EXPECTATIONS....

I expected him to:

care like I did

Be honest with me

Make time for us to spend time

Actually like me

Have the same level or respect for me I gave to him

Be a decent person

Not use his children and other family members to help the lies

Expectations is what ruined my experience with that man...

#29

I thought following my partner around the world would give me at least some say in when we went home or where we went next. Turns out I was wrong.

After turning my life upside down multiple times, stopping my career in its tracks and leaving me in a place I didn't want to be, she booked travel to her next destination without any discussion and said "you can come with me if you want".

I said no more, charted my own path and that was the last time I saw her.

#30

Being constantly defensive.

#31

I’ve tanked a lot of relationships by thinking everything needed to be fixed. I almost did it in the one I’m in. He’s in a bad mood, he’s being snappy with me, we need to fix this, I need to sit down and have a heart to heart, I need to COMMUNICATE that he’s hurting my feelings right now. I’m overly therapised and really thought this was the best way to handle everything.

My current SO and I went through a lot of therapy apart and together ironically to work on this because, with him, this is what happens. He gets angry and stews and stews and will never bring the thing up to me until I coax it out of him. The suggested way to handle this was, surprisingly, less communication.

I feel like we’re in a better place when he can be acting like a total reactive jerk and instead of being like “have I upset you? I must have because you’re treating me really weirdly and you’re in an awful mood. I just want to get to the bottom of this!!” I can be like “You’re vibe is positively a*s, you need to take a nap or something. If I did something to upset you that’s making you act like this I’ll be open to talk about it later today, but right now I think we’re both just annoyed. I’m gonna go do the rest of my day alone, I hope you feel better.”

Then I get home and it’s 50/50 “yeah I’m sorry, you did this thing last week that really upset me and I’ve taken time to think about how I want to address it calmly” and “Yeah I have no idea what that was about, I think I didn’t get enough breakfast and it made me moody. I’m glad you had a good day after that!” but either way we’re both totally calm by the time we talk about it.

#32

Lack of communication from fear of rejection. This pent-up a lot of resentment and hurt and ultimately led to the breakup. I regret leaving.

Image credits: LilithFaery

#33

I think it was being to afraid to talk about some issues we may or may not have just because I was afraid of the possibility of breaking up…and guess what she broke up lol. I became to comfortable to I think.

But on another hand she could have communicated about the problems so we can solve it together but she was to afraid of “hurting” me. But ended up hurting me more.

But maybe its to soon to know exactly since it was 2 weeks she ended things….

Image credits: PinOdd1719

#34

Not saying sorry here and there.

Image credits: CosmicLovecraft

#35

We had a baby we were both unprepared for.

Image credits: Moddedforthewin

#36

Prioritising future too much.

Image credits: anon

#37

Listening to people who were like “yo date around as much as possible while you’re young… don’t waste your young and college years in a relationship!” Haha while I totally agree with this for the most part, sometimes good ones are already there.

Image credits: anon

#38

Not spending quality time together. Those were the times that I was so drained by my job that I don't even had the energy to do my skincare. All I wanted to do is to sleep after a very tiring day. I'm a sleepyhead btw. We rarely meet each other. I feel bad every time I wasn't able to meet him. "If she wants to, she will." is easier to be said than done. Until one day, he fell out of love.

Image credits: Upbeat_Preference423

#39

I installed the towel rail unevenly.

Image credits: PolishBicycle

#40

I’m going to say the unpopular thing and say that *I didn’t make a mistake.*

While I can be honest enough to admit that I am not perfect and I did plenty of things wrong, I was truly the only one who actively worked on the relationship or ever seemed to care what it looked/felt like for us. I wanted us to check in with one another, share our goals and plans, communicate.

He wanted us to be like roommates. He wanted me to stfu and take care of s**t at home while he took care of s**t out of home. If I spoke with him about any detail that was not specifically “important” in his opinion, he wasn’t interested in listening at all. He regularly spent as much time alone and in his room as possible.

I can honestly say that I passed years of my life with someone who could not even have a regular conversation with me. After 13 years, I don’t believe that man knew a single thing about me, and he actively chose to not know.

Arguably, that could be a common mistake that *he made* that could be the answer to the question, but it’s even more common than that.

He kept a physical, verbal and emotional distance from me, and instead would *cheat on me.*

It’s really sad how often cheating is the answer.