Because Nothing Says ‘Thanksgiving’ Like a COVID Rapid Test and Appetizers – Opinion

It’s not just Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is the official launch into the Holiday season; doesn’t matter if you celebrate a particular holiday or not. Now that the Ministry of Fear, otherwise known as the legacy media, cannot scare us into not gathering over the holidays, they need to find ways to explain to us how we must be careful, that we must limit our gathering, and if we do gather, do it outside, do it with masks, or limit your social circle to people who are vaccinated or “safe,” whatever that means.

But they want to stop you from gathering. They can take a walk along a bridge or go for a long hike. They don’t care about what their opinions are anymore. But it’s still quite hilarious to see them twisting in the wind trying to control people’s behavior, while still invoking the fear of Holiday COVID spread.

This bit of madness, courtesy of CBS This Morning, won Brad Slager’s Distinguished Service award for his Pulitzer parodies, it was that good.


So, if it feels like it’s going to be weird, maybe make it kind of fun. Say, we’re going to start with hors d’oeuvres in the garage, you know, we’ll have drinks, we’ll do our rapid tests – and then c’mon in. Make it funny, playful..”

Nothing says, “Fun with good friends and family” like appetizers and a COVID rapid test in the garage! These folks really know how to part—oh, wait….

Our Editor-at-Large Kira Davis filled in for Dan Bongino’s Radio Show today, and she was fire. This is what she said, and it’s something I agree with. The Left love to be miserable. As the saying goes, “misery loves company.” So, instead of allowing themselves to be pulled out of their miserable state, they want to drag you down to theirs.

We are sorry, we don’t have it.

If this vaccine nonsense is doing anything, it’s helping us to cull the herd in terms of our social interactions. You wanting to know about my vaccine or health status in order to be around me, means that I don’t need to be around you! No one needs that kind of negativity in their lives—so bad for the immunity.

Ultimately this is the universe saying that these are not the kind of people you want in your life, so it’s probably time for them to go. Granted, it’s kind of complicated when it’s your family, but in terms of “friends” and colleagues, maybe think of it as one less “Holiday” card to send.

If you get an invitation from a friend or relative warning you that you must conduct a quick test in order to enter their home this Holiday season, I suggest these:

  1. Get a lighter, a spoon and a cup. This can be done outside.

  2. Place your smartphone on a tripod or selfie stick.

  3. Start recording using Instagram, Tik Tok, or any other video app on your smartphone. Record.

  4. Smile, thank them for the invite to Thanksgiving, their holiday party, whatever… then let them know you’re declining their invitation.

  5. It can be lit on fire, then dropped in the bowl. Smile wickedly at the growth of the flames. Then look into the camera and wish them a Happy COVID—and friendship free Holiday!

You have no choice but to deceive the host. If you arrive, and they want you to repair to the garage and take a rapid test, go ahead and immediately start to slam down some appetizers—heck, you took the time out of your busy life, and probably drove through bad traffic to get there, so you might as well get a little food and drink out of it.

If catering is serving the hors d’ouerves, grab several with your hands, and knock a few off the serving tray just for grins and giggles. If it’s buffet style, be sure you touch everything: pick up veggies from the crudité tray, examine them closely, sniff them, then set them back down again. Perhaps you can taste some wine or the more difficult stuff straight from the bottle. You can double dip chips and guacamole. Don’t use the utensils for picking up things. Instead, you can liberally apply your hands to your skirt or pants and then wipe them clean. You might want to make a statement by smelling loudly, then wiping your nose.

Also, try to channel your energy into one of my favourite scenes from one my favorite films.

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If the host hasn’t kicked you out by now, and wants to still administer the rapid test, wait until they approach you. Once they are close, scream at the top of your lungs, “My body, MY CHOICE!” and walk out. Don’t forget to take a nice bottle of the liquor with you.

I mean, if someone is going to serve up this kind of comedy, you may as well get some more comedy out of it for your troubles—that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!

Merry Thanksgiving to your loved ones and family. Sometimes they’re not the same people! It should be full of fun and food.