It’s devastating to find out that your partner has been cheating on you. What makes it even worse is if—for some reason—you’re seemingly the last person in your social circle to find out about the affair. Right then, it feels like you can’t trust those closest to you because they’ve been keeping the infidelity secret.
Bride-to-be u/strawberry_cheese237 told the ‘Relationship Advice’ online group how she and her (now ex) fiancé had an open phone policy, which is how she found out about his affair with her best friend. The proverbial cherry on top? Her family was covering for them for a very long time. Scroll down for the full story, including two explosive updates from the author, who decided to confront everyone at her rehearsal dinner. Bored Panda reached out to the author for further comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
The fallout from someone’s affair can affect more than one relationship
Image credits: Getty Images/Usplash (not the actual photo)
A bride-to-be opened up online about how her family has been keeping her fiancé’s affair a secret for a long time
Image credits: Clay Banks/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Annie Spratt/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: strawberry_cheese237
There are numerous reasons why people cheat on their partners, from low self-esteem and low commitment to a lack of love and anger
There’s a huge dilemma on your hands if you find out that someone is cheating on a person close to you. What exactly do you do? On the one hand, you don’t want to hurt the person by being the one to break the news. Nor is it technically any of your beeswax to get involved in someone else’s relationship drama.
That being said, if you really do care about that person and you want what’s best for them, it might be for the best to break the news about their partner’s affair. However, you have to have some solid proof. Otherwise, you’d be lobbing an emotional grenade into their relationship.
What probably nobody should do is what the author’s family did when they had an online group chat where they covered for the cheating couple, looking for ways to help them out. That completely crosses the line and is effectively sabotaging the engaged couple’s relationship.
Some couples decide to have open relationships. However, they should not be based on one or both of them having a secret affair. Nor should someone feel like they’re being pressured into an open relationship if they want to be exclusive with their partner.
And if the couple wants different things and finds that their lifestyles are completely incompatible, then it might be healthiest to break up and move on.
Scientific American notes that, based on a recent study, there are eight key reasons why people cheat on their partners. These are anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, a need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance.
Cheating doesn’t always revolve around intimacy, though it can be a big part of this. Emotional attachment to the affair partner also plays a key role.
Generally, people who felt less connected to their primary partner felt greater emotional intimacy in their affairs.
According to the study, individuals who felt a lack of love for their primary partners didn’t go to huge lengths to hide their infidelity: they went on more public dates and displayed more public affection toward their affair partners.
On the flip side, so-called situational cheaters, who were unfaithful because they had the opportunity to have an affair, were more secretive, hoping to return to their primary relationship without getting caught.
Open phone policies have their fair share of pros and cons, and they can either strengthen or weaken your relationship
Redditor u/strawberry_cheese237 mentioned that she and her ex had an open phone policy. Some couples embrace this approach while others aren’t quite happy with that level of transparency, even if they’re loyal.
Essentially, an open phone policy is an agreement between partners to share access to each other’s digital life, from phone conversations and emails to passwords, text messages, and search histories.
However, the level of transparency you opt for depends on your specific situation. “It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You and your partner can come up with agreed-upon boundaries that work for you and your relationship,” therapist Lea Trageser explained to SheKnows.
On the one hand, an open phone policy can help develop trust, openness, and accountability, potentially leading to a stronger relationship.
On the other hand, there are some potential drawbacks to consider, as well. This policy can indicate that you don’t quite trust your partner in the first place. In some cases, partners might use the open phone policy as a ‘weapon’ to threaten their partners with it.
What’s more, this policy can, in some cases, lead to resentment due to the constant monitoring. Someone who feels like they have absolutely no privacy in their life can become frustrated as they find that it’s harder for them to make their own choices or to express themselves authentically.
What are your thoughts about the massive drama that the author became wrapped up in? Do you think she did the right thing by revealing the affair to everyone at the rehearsal wedding? How would you have handled the situation?
Have you ever had a partner cheat on you? Have you and your significant others ever had an open phone policy? Let us know in the comments below.
Many internet users wanted to give the woman some advice on how to handle the tense situation
Update 1
Image credits: Paul Hanaoka/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The bride then decided to confront her fiancé and best friend when everyone got together for dinner
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Image credits: OurWhisky Foundation/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Nini FromParis (not the actual photo)
Image credits: strawberry_cheese237
The internet was shocked. Here’s how some readers reacted to what happened
Update 2
Distraught woman having a headache while reading message she has received on mobile phone.
Image credits: Drazen Zigic/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Then, the author shared another important update
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Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: strawberry_cheese237
Here’s what some people said after the latest update on the drama
