John Malkovich Traumatizes Kids With Virtual Preschool Graduation Address

Celebs are getting in on the virtual graduation address, including John Malkovich.

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On Global’s “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” on Thursday, the “Being John Malkovich” actor delivered a graduation address via Zoom to a class of preschool students.

He introduced himself: “You might know me from ‘The Killing Fields’, the story of the Khmer Rouge’s orchestrated genocide against its own people.”

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“As you go forward on your journey to kindergarten and beyond,” he continued, “you will be well served by the lessons you’ve learned here. It’s important to share. Don’t eat paste. And if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat.”

Malkovich concluded, “Congratulations, class of 2020. I’ll be accepting tips and macaroni necklaces via Venmo.”

“The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET/PT on Global.