A Reddit user recently sought advice on whether they were being unreasonable by suggesting that their friend might need to adjust her expectations to find a partner.
The story begins with the individual describing their friend, referred to as Lola, who has been actively searching for a boyfriend for quite some time.
"She is on every dating app and wears white whenever we go out to 'manifest a husband,'" they added.
"When we hang out, she constantly complains about her dating life," the OP shared.
"Even if we're talking about something completely different, she finds some way to make the conversation about her boy troubles."
Regardless of the subject being discussed, Lola always manages to bring the conversation back to her struggles in finding the right partner.
The post further explores the reasons behind Lola's challenges in finding a suitable match.
The main problem? Her "long list of demands" doesn't align with her current life circumstances.
"She wants someone who is ambitious in his career and makes six figures (she works part time and lives with her parents, and doesn't seem to be in a hurry to move out)," the OP explained.
"He needs to go to the gym regularly and take care of his body (Lola is overweight and hates exercise)."
'I Told My Fat Friend Needs To Lower Her Standards If She Wants To Find A Boyfriend'Lola's checklist also involves seeking a man who's musically talented and tall—characteristics she lacks herself.
"She complains that when we go out no guys approach her, but I've seen plenty of guys ask her to dance, buy her a drink, etc and she rejects all of them."
The situation gets more complicated when Lola asks how the OP found their partner, Jim, who meets all of Lola's criteria. Yet, Lola didn't react positively to the advice given afterward.
"I told her that if she wants to find a man like that, she should consider applying herself more in her job, going to the gym, and picking up a hobby she wants her partner to have," they wrote.
"Otherwise, she could either date a guy that is interested in her as she is, or be comfortable with being single."
Despite delivering the advice in a gently way, it "completely killed the mood."
"Lola got really upset and accused me of fat shaming her (even though I never said anything about losing weight–just going to the gym because she wants her partner to go to the gym)," the OP added.
They further added that they had 'effectively ended the brunch with what I thought was helpful advice.'
Auto DraftThe aftermath of the brunch sparked differing opinions, with some suggesting the OP owed Lola an apology, while others supported the OP.
With over 1,200 comments on the Reddit post, it clearly resonated with many people.
"You gave Lola honest, helpful advice when she asked for it. You didn't fat shame her, just pointed out that people often date those with similar lifestyles," one user commented. "Sometimes we need to hear hard truths from our friends, even if it hurts at first."
Another wrote: "If you want to meet guys who go to the gym, then going to the gym would seem to be an obvious step. Blindingly obvious in fact, and not fat shaming at all. People of all sizes go to gyms."
A third shared: "People need truth. So many are lied to nowadays it's not helping mental health it's making it so much worse. Real friends don't lie to each other."
