Most of us, for a variety of good reasons, will spend our time in public, eardrums ensconced in earphones or headphones to drown out the noise. But every now and then, it can be worth it to just listen to the conversations flowing around you because sometimes folks end up saying something truly hilarious without knowing it.
Someone asked “What was the funniest thing that you heard someone say in public?” and netizens shared the best, out of context conversations they have overheard. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own examples in the comments below.
#1
"Can't you see I'm blind?" "No because I'm blind too!" Two blind men before laughing their a**es off after bumping into each other.
Image credits: Accurate_Western_346
#2
Guy next to me at a urinal farted once and loudly says "sometimes when it rains it thunders". I stole it.
Image credits: PhysiologyIsPhun
#3
A middle aged man in a phone call in a hospital cafeteria. “They did an autopsy on me and we’re waiting for results. I mean a BIOPSY! I’m not dead yet.”
Image credits: Extension-Concept-88
#4
I was walking along 10th street in Brooklyn when a man walked by on his phone and all I caught of his conversation was "I don't know, I've never owned a f*****g giraffe before."
Image credits: Wonderful_Whereas402
#5
I had put a hamburger on the seat of my son's baby stroller. My son was with my wife. Some guy walked by, looked down and without a beat said "Looks just like the father" and went on before I could call him an a*****e.
Image credits: horschdhorschd
#6
Boy at preschool was introduced to a new girl named Paige. He pulls one of the teachers aside and says “you know that her name is Paige?? Do you think…her parents like books?”.
Image credits: rdmeroz
#7
During a very quiet moment at church, in a service with both adults and children, a young child loudly asked his dad,”Does Spider-Man have a pen*s?!”?????.
Image credits: Wonderful_Might6693
#8
I was waiting in line at the convenience store. The guy in Front of me at the register had to cancel his transaction or something. Young woman working the register called out to her manager " I need your approval '. Guy said " it's ok I think you're doing a fine job.".
Image credits: sublevelstreetpusher
#9
Dude jazz singing ?Better find a bathrooooom, before I s**t my paaaaants? while skipping along at the Botanical Garden in Hawaii. We didn't hear it in person but our dad caught it on our VHS-C camcorder and we wore out the tape rewinding it and laughing for years.
Image credits: RealDAFTBONCHKOOPA
#10
Went to see Thor Ragnarok and was seated next to a mother and teenage son. After the Hulk fight when Hemsworth is topless the following exchange happens in hushed tones but sitting next to them I could hear.Mom: oh yummy
Son: mom shhhhhh
Mom: what
Son: that's embarrassing stop being gross
Mom: why exactly did you think I was watching this?
Image credits: Threndsa
#11
I was sitting on the patio at a bar one afternoon just watching birds and enjoying a few beers alone. Next to me was a group of older folks (around retirement age) just hanging out. They were talking about all kinds of things. I’d drift in and out of listening to them when I heard one man talking about his doctor. He said the doctor had passed away two years prior in almost a depressed tone. The other men told him:“Don’t be so sad man it’s not like he was your wife or anything.”
And without skipping a beat the man replied:
“I know I shouldn’t be so upset but man he just gave really good prostate exams.”
The entire table started cracking up. I nearly spit my beer out from laughing so hard and the man pointed at me and said:
“See he gets it!”
The laughter only got louder. I didn’t talk to them afterwards or butt into their conversation but it’s a fond memory of mine.
Image credits: ieatpizzadouches
#12
At intermission during ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ on Broadway. Scottish teenage boy seated in front of me turns to his mother (in a thickkk Glaswegian accent):“I always thought that the Phantom was meant to be some kind of tragic, romantic anti-hero. But he’s just a f*****g d**k”.
#13
After watching a Bro-y dude do this huge burnout at a stoplight leaving like a dozen people (including myself) in a cloud of smoke and dust my friend yelled louder than I've ever heard before "I'm sorry about your penis!" We all had a good laugh amidst the coughing.#14
I lived in Amsterdam at the time, a city widely known for all adults and most children having a fluent command of English Was walking behind a group of American tourists speaking English saying “you know what the coolest thing about being in Europe is? You can speak to each other and no one understands a word we’re saying, we can say anything we want” Was amazingly dense and pretty funny.
Image credits: smartshoe
#15
An older woman standing outside a restaurant… She was waiting for her husband to come pick her up because it was raining. He kept arguing about picking her up. Told her just to suck it up and walk across the parking lot. Finally he left and went to the car. She looks at me and says if I could teach a dildo to bring home a paycheck I wouldn’t have to put up with his s**t.#16
Overheard a conversation about people talking about rich people and weird foods, and eventually they started talking about oysters. One of them remarked, “well if you wanna eat boogers outta rocks, you gotta be rich”.
Image credits: stinkyboiiii
#17
When I worked in a library. Overheard two kids in the children's area. Brendan 1: "Your name's Brendan? My name's Brendan too. Are we.......brothers?" Brendan 2: "No. I'm in the first grade."
Image credits: EerieArizona
#18
Was outside doing some yard work when a neighborhood kid was riding his bike past my house. He ends up falling down at the end of my driveway and I go “hey are you alright?”He gets back up on his bike and yells “no thanks, I already have a family!” Then rides away. I chuckle every time I remember it.
Image credits: daewood69
#19
Grocery store:“I know how to buy eggs Diane, I’ve done it before…”
I could not stop saying this for the rest of the day. I was a real joy to be around.
Image credits: crommulence_now
#20
Was in a restroom once at Caesar’s Palace in Vegas. Some guy in the bathroom stall ripped this huge fart and a random guy washing his hands shouted, “Hail Caesar!”.#21
My sister went to see Titanic. After the credits rolled someone behind her stretched then said:> I told you it sank .
#22
A very pregnant friend of mine and I were at a pharmacy to get, among other things, a toothbrush. While she was looking, a visibly nervous teen boy slinks past us and stops in front of the condoms etc, about six feet away from us in the same aisle. My friend, tracking the embarrassment that only teens can get, held her belly and shouted to the kid “Hey kid! You want me to tell you which ones DON’T work?”I’ve never seen anyone turn so red, or run so fast.
Image credits: canadianpaleale
#23
Wife and I are grocery shopping and in the row next to us we hear a child getting agitated and having words with his brother. Out of the blue we hear him say to his mother “Mom! Jake is breathing my air”. Wife and I look at each other and giggle. We rush to their row and we find Jake is a small 2 month old in a carrier.
Image credits: MakeMeASandwichGirl
#24
An elderly couple in the supermarket. He's walking funny and she turns to him and says “You've still got a hard-on! I told you it wouldn't wear off by now”.#25
An instructor for a school club turned to another instructor:“Have you signed that thing that says, ‘I don’t diddle kids’ yet?”
I died.
#26
I was riding my bike and passed by a guy going the opposite way on a unicycle. As we pass he said, “F****n’ two wheeler!”.
Image credits: rockerroller
#27
My dad adopted a dog that has a poop-eating habit, eats every other dog’s droppings. My sister came over with some breath spray for dogs. Dad’s response: “she eats poop. You can’t just throw a tic-tac on a pile of manure.”
Image credits: defnotapirate
#28
I was at a Rubio’s many years ago and the woman in front me had brought her food up to the counter to tell them she had ordered chicken tacos but had gotten fish tacos. She and the employee are going back and forth on what’s in the tacos, the employee was adamant it was chicken. The woman is really pissed at this point and goes “It’s fish. If you don’t believe me, smell my fingers”. My friend and I ended up going outside because we were laughing so hard.#29
I know this won’t reach many but I was at a pizza place and there was this family of four (mom, dad, grandpa, kid that’s maybe 5-6 years old) and all I hear from the kid is, “YOU’RE ALMOST 50?! THAT’S HALFWAY TO BEING DEAD!!”.#30
I was in church and somehow the subject of sex was brought up by the pastor. Some lady in front of me said "I pray before, during and after" followed by a hallelujah.#31
A pregnant woman at Walmart talking to a cashier said “yeah I’m gettin a DUI after this one, no more kids.” Of course she meant IUD but the lady didn’t correct her and I died laughing. Maybe it was pregnancy brain.
Image credits: corpimposter
#32
Someone brought an infant to a formal/dress wear restaurant at 9 at night that was constantly crying, heard someone say "that's a kid I'd leave at the airport".
Image credits: RoseWould
#33
Friend of mine in high school went to pick up her little brother from some sort of after school activity. There was a lady sucking on a cigarette standing near the school doors talking on her cell phone loudly. In the most grizzled smoker voice she said "Hot dogs will give you cancer." *Takes a draw from the cigarette* "One bite and you're a goner."#34
A friend of a friend was shopping and had her kid with her. As they walked by the feminine products aisle her 6 yr old son asked her very loudly if she needed to get another big box of v*gina diapers because Dad says you bleed like a stuck pig. I was crying I was laughing so hard. When she seen me and my friend standing there she went ten shades of red.#35
Not really in public because he was a temporary coworker of mine, but in making small talk he mentioned that his son was looking at colleges to go to. So I asked him if his son was a junior or a senior. And he said “No, I named him after my dad”That was years ago and I still have no idea how to respond to that.
Image credits: santaclausonprozac
#36
A mom and her son were checking out at a Home Depot. The cashier was scanning the ladies purchases then scanned the kids hand, looked at her scanner and said to the boy, you are free! The kid looked at her and said, no I'm not I am 5.#37
Was at a bar once, and there was a drunk girl trying to put on her heels for a few minutes. She was clearly *gone* gone, and couldn't manage. A man that was there with her said "It's like watching a monkey try to f**k a football." and I couldn't help but catch a case of the giggles.The words themselves didn't do it, but the mental image wrecked me.
#38
Two of my friends joking around til one of them says "you know, if the Catholic Church knew of your existence they'd immediately endorse abortions" ?.#39
“Well ever since she got the dog, she only buys organic eggs.” “Oh does she feed the dog eggs?” “No, but you know, being a pet owner is a big responsibility so she’s trying to watch her health.”#40
We stopped at a yard sale one weekend. We had a really small bulldog with us, super friendly and they were ok with her being there while we browsed. Their little girl, maybe four years old, asked to pet the bulldog and we said she’d love that. So the little girl leans over to pet the pup… and that causes her to do the plumber’s butt crack thing. Mom runs over and pulls the pants and pull up diaper back up. The little girl turns to mom and says “I’m not done pooping yet.”Mom’s face… it was like the visual version of one of those abrupt record scratches. We played it cool with a little chuckle and said “kids, gotta love em.” We got back to the car and just lost it, just crying laughing.
#41
Overheard two grown men in a grocery story..."mom said you have to buy your OWN ice cream from now on!".
#42
At community college in the Detroit area in U.S. Government class, the prof was lecturing about how the federal government used threats to withdraw funding to coerce the states into making the legal drinking age 21.A girl right behind me said to the girl next to her, "Then why can I go to Canada and drink?"
The other girl said, "I think that's, like, another country.".
#43
Was walking past a group of teenagers whilst on my way to do some shopping...they were horse playing around and I just heard one girl yell out "Arggghhhh man, Cameron, you just kicked me right in the p**s flaps!!!" So so loudly...I stifled a laugh but saw so many people stop and just look over to her ?.#44
I was teaching a 5 year old drum lessons at a studio and I wrote the word “rhythm” on the board. Pointing at it, I asked him if he knew how to say this word.He stared at it for 5 seconds and said, “I can’t read.”.
Image credits: Abject_Newspaper_627
#45
I overheard a group of maybe high schoolers arguing who is more country. One just asked “You’re country, huh? How long is your driveway?”#46
When a bird gives you a present, *you keep that present* Rebecca!#47
Couple in a dark theater before the previews:GUY: "I can't see s**t!"
GIRL: "...but can you smell it?".
#48
In 2021, I was in a COVID testing line behind a mom and son who I overheard were getting tests for international travel purposes. The son said “next trip, I want to go somewhere exotic…like New Jersey” (this was in NYC).#49
On 9/11 in nyc:"You know it's serious when Starbucks is closed".
Image credits: Vampilton
#50
A young woman from my apartment building got into a car accident, while trying to exit and turn left onto the main roadway (4-lanes, 35mph).I was in the lobby when she came back in with her dad after the accident, and she said:
"well, what was i supposed to do? just wait there forever!?".
#51
Riding Pirates of the Caribbean in Disneyland, a row of 4 obnoxious teenage girls (OTG) sitting behind us talking VERY loudly. After the drops I hear:OTG1: "Oh my God, I'm going to get chlamydia from this ride!"
Me (an ER nurse): "you mean giardia, chlamydia is a sexually transmitted disease."
Friend sitting next to me (an ER MD): *laughs*
OTGs don't talk for the rest of the ride.
#52
While taking a train back from a hockey game in Denver, some drunk guys in their early 20s were drunk and being completely obnoxious to everyone around them … Stuff like spitting their tobacco chew under their seats and talking about obscene/ridiculous stuff for a solid 20 min.A guy next to me in an opposing Canucks jersey was chatting with my group under his breath about how offensive their conversations were, and how annoyed he was at these guys…
Their topic gets to “woke issues” and one of the a******s goes “I don’t get why Harvey Weinstein gets so much flak…. I love Harvey Weinstein”.
… without missing a beat, the Canucks jersey guy matches their frat bro-voice and sarcastically goes: “oh yeah - Weinstein! … I loved that one thing he was in …. What was her name again?!”.
… It took us all by surprise as this guy had been pretty quiet before - so to hear him flip the script and match their level of obnoxious sexist frat-bro voice was too f*****g funny. My friends and I started howling laughing… the a******s tried to quip back with nonsense that didn’t land… which made it even funnier.
I still laugh when I think about this moment.
#53
In a concert venue restroom, dude loudly asks, "So, p**s here often?!..Sorry, just trying to break the ice...".#54
I was coming out of a movie with a couple friends, and we passed two kids on their way into another movie. As we passed them, I heard one kid say to the other,"Yo mama is so poor when she dies she'll drop common loot!"
and I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. I don't know if that's a common one for kids now, but I'd never heard it. F*****g slayed me.
#55
People constantly tell me how their kid has “done a complete 360” meaning a 180 with improved whatever.#56
I was in the local Korean supermarket walking out and this little Korean boy is singing, "It's peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time!" And his dad who was pushing him in the shopping cart says, " NO! It's not a peanut butter jelly time!"#57
I used to work at a gourmet candy shop. Christmas time, store was PACKED, parents bring their stuff up and have an 8 year old boy.They were buying alcoholic chocolate and the kid just SO LOUD goes "WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!!! OR PEANUT BUTTER!!!"
The mom is mortified, the dad goes "yeah what's your peanutbutter exchange rate?" Mom mortified even more.
#58
I once heard a man ask someone at the grocery store for “Mexican taco bread”.#59
Guy at a pet store feeds a goldfish to a tank full of turtles.Turtles go NUTS.
Me: WOW, do they always get this excited about food?
Guy: I don't know, I don't work here.
Image credits: socks4theHomeless
#60
Guy walks by with a bag of food, another guy said HEY! You get me anything? Dude stops, says yeah, I got you a two piece, and raised both fists. They both hyena laughed.
Image credits: ECUTrent
#61
Wandering Walmart late at night. Dude I’m the next aisle over, loudly asking : DO YOU HAVE ANY HATS…? OF THE PARTY VARIETY?!My partner and I now regularly refer to items as being of the “blank” variety as an inside joke.
#62
At work today, my coworkers and I were having a very passionate conversation about if ketchup is good or not. One of my coworkers said, “Ketchup is for white people who pretend to like flavor.” I couldn’t stop laughing.
Image credits: freallyvibing
#63
Stoner lady at the pet store: "If I was a cat, I would eat catnip.".#64
"Hold on, I need to air my pimple..." while holding his bangs up.
Image credits: Dalostbear
#65
"He operates like a scavenging street rat.".#66
Walking down a sketchy street a guy probably on d***s talking to another guy: did you know the marshmallow man in ghostbusters won an academy award?#67
When I went to watch the first Paranomal Activity in theaters it was a lot of ours “The Blair Witch Project” type experience and when the credits were rolling you can hear a dude that got up and clearly say “I ain’t never bringing no b***h to my house.”.
Image credits: AlanM6
#68
Target dressing rooms are often just a section of cubicles between two departments & they're open to the air.Two teenage girls were sharing a dressing room to try on swimsuits & one blurts out "What if girls had BALLS?"
You know how your voice sounds different if you're pushing your stomach out? You could tell she was pooching out her groin when she said it. It's been over 10 years & it still makes me laugh. It was dead quiet for a beat & then everybody in ear-shot burst out laughing.
#69
I'm in an hospital elevator I hear this old guy go to a young guy "you're the only one here not in a wheelchair" the young guy goes "yeah I'm jealous" I couldn't stop laughing.#70
I was in the theater watching Bohemian Rhapsody, and I forget the scene, but some kid blurted out, "Is everyone in this movie gay?".#71
Once I was hiking back in the early 2000’s, and I walked past a Dad with his daughter and her friend. The daughter said to the friend “I wish I were at the mall or at home watching MTV right now…” It was hilarious at the time, and now is a perfect microcosm of the era. I often wonder where that woman is today and what she is doing.#72
"Mommy is she a girl or a guy"My friends a metal head and has a*s length hair.
#73
While at Disney World chilling on the big white Tom Sawyer boat we heard a kid say to his mom:“Hey mom, do you think I know what a cannibal is?”
That phrasing is so funny to me it’s stuck with me ever since.
#74
Was at ice cream shop and what I assume was an uncle and a niece about 8ish years old. I’m standing there waiting for my families order, and all I hear is,“Was it fun in jail?” From the little girl.
Then uncle responds, teeth clenched, “I went to prison.”
I don’t know why I thought this was so funny but man I was trying hard not to crack up. Kids are wild.
#75
I'm on a trip with my friends family while we were 16 or so. We all went out to lunch, and the waitress was totally flirting with my friend. NOT even trying to hide it.So she comes over to refill our drinks. She smiles, looks at my friend, and asks if he wants more. My friends mom, straight faced puts her hand over his glass and says, "No, he better not. He'll wet the bed tonight".
She starts laughing, his face turns bright red and he storms out of there.
A few mins later, my friends mom found out the waitress had the next night off, so she told her she needed to bring a friend tomorrow night and go on a double date with her son & me.
And we had a wonderful double date thr next night.
#76
My 7 year old niece talking to her 8 year old friend, about the friends 4 year old brother.(Some part of the conversation I didn't hear at the beginning)
Friend: Wanna buy my brother?
Niece: What?
Friend: He drives me crazy!
Niece: (laughs)
Friend: I'm just kidding, I wouldn't sell him. I totally wouldn't shove a cookie down his throat, so he'll choke.
Image credits: The_Oceans_Daughter
