How we perceive the world can be quite subjective. A lot depends on our childhood environments, as well as the people we spend the most time around. They shape our assumptions and values. It’s when we change our environments and enter new social circles that we realize we may have gotten some ideas about the world very wrong.
Redditor u/Piguthew sparked a fascinating discussion on r/AskReddit after they asked everyone to share the traits they were raised to think were very common that reality proved otherwise. Read on to take a look at how these internet users saw the world growing up.
#1
I didn't realize that most people just aren't that bright.
Image credits: LadyAlexTheDeviant
#2
I thought it was normal for people to suddenly burst into anger out of no where. Luckily I was wrong.
Image credits: DistractedPerception
#3
As a little kid, I legit thought eveyone else's dad was always at the bar too.
Image credits: Amesb34r
It can be quite shocking to realize that you were wrong about a lot of stuff. It’s jarring when you become aware of your own knowledge gaps. The things you thought were certainties about how the world turned out to be localized exceptions, not the rule. But, on the positive side, it’s an opportunity for growth.
It’s only when we recognize we don’t know something that we thought we did that we become open to learning new information and getting to grips with nuances. A true scientist embraces new information instead of denying its existence. However, it doesn’t lessen the emotional impact that we’ve been living a partial lie for years or possibly decades.
#4
Gossiping . I grew up with a mom that gossiped a lot and viciously too . I quickly learned around other women that it’s unacceptable and attracts the wrong people.
Image credits: Greatbycicle
#5
I thought everyone associated every word, letter, and number with a color. Turns out not everyone does that and I have synesthesia.
Image credits: biology_l0v3r
#6
Being kind.
Image credits: Come-for-Megatron
Perfect objectivity is probably impossible. We don’t have the mental capacity to understand incredibly complex phenomena with all their nuances, scope, and potential consequences. However, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t strive to have a more objective understanding of how the world works. Moving away from subjective illusions that are grounded in emotions and closer to the objective truth—even if it’s step by tiny step—is admirable.
Being open-minded and curious about the world helps a lot with this. If we’re hungry for knowledge and humble enough to admit when we’re wrong, we can speed up our learning process. But this takes a lot of maturity.
#7
Being empathetic.
Image credits: MegaManFan78
#8
That people can just do things without thinking about it. For example, showering. Most people are just like, “I need to take a shower”, and then do it. Whereas I think about every little step: finding clothes, getting a towel, turning the water on, being cold when I take off my clothes, getting in, putting on the shampoo, washing my face, washing everything else, grooming, being cold when I get out, drying off, putting on deodorant, my hair being wet, which I hate, for hours or having to blow dry it, and getting dressed. Not to mention just peeling my a*s out of bed or off the couch to go do it even though I don’t want to.But yeah, showering’s just one thing. It’s like that with *everything*. Don’t even get me started on cleaning. It’s all just so overwhelming, I just end up not doing it, which makes me feel disgusting and lazy. I hate ADHD so f*****g much, and mine’s extremely treatment resistant.
Also, most people seem to make eye contact naturally without having to force themselves to do it.
#9
Being Catholic. And I did not realize college was a choice. My parents had us all convinced it was required. They have 10 Catholic kids with college degrees!It’s hard to admit that we may have been wrong about certain facts. Nobody wants to be made a fool of in their social circles. However, if we admit to our mistakes without making a big deal out of them and show some mild embarrassment, people tend to like us more. We show that we’re grounded, human, and self-aware.
On the flip side, if we’re stubborn and refuse to even fathom the possibility that we might have been wrong about something, we only push other people away. Nobody’s a fan of blind arrogance.
#10
I have an over active imagination to the point of being a problem throughout most of my life. It blows my mind when I meet someone who seems to have no imagination at all.
Image credits: OhTheHueManatee
#11
Having your s**t together. My mom is an organizational powerhouse and somehow my folks managed to hold down two full time jobs (my mom more like full and a half) and manage a household with three kids while always getting us to sports activities and do things with relatives over the weekend, etc. Always there to help with our homework, too.Turns out most people absolutely do not have their s**t together but from my childhood perspective I just assumed everyone else was basically doing things the same. It takes a lot of work and burning yourself out to do what my folks did and I only really appreciate it now that I'm a parent, myself.
#12
My dad is huge into trapping and hunting. Our living room in our first house had 2 deer heads mounted on the wall, a mounted Racoon, a bow rack and lamp made from deer hooves, a mounted fisher and a mounted weasel on the end table on either side of the couch. There were always dead animal carcasses in our back yard during trapping season and in the off season was always a boiling pot of "trap wax". We used to have a barn out back where we raised rabbits and once a week my dad would skin a rabbit for dinner. Nothing about this seemed unusual until my teens and started seeing other people's houses. To be clear....nothing about this is bad...just odd, looking back at it.What assumptions did you grow up with, dear Pandas? Did any of those assumptions get challenged when you finally became an adult and moved out? What do you think can help folks get over the shock that they’ve been blatantly wrong about something their entire lives? Tell us what you think in the comments. We’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
#13
The need to be on time / respecting start times. I knew my mom and dad were always late, but everyone else was always on time. We were very punctual and my hobbies involved things that required me to be early often. Then I became a young adult out of college, trying to schedule things with friends. OMG. The fact that it's 'okay' to show up to planned things an hour late is just... no. Absolutely not. Showing up to a party late is fine and expected. Do not show up late to things where people are out money if you aren't there on time. Absolutely unacceptable.
Image credits: ToraRyeder
#14
Being insecure somehow my parents made me feel like confidence = Arrogance.
Image credits: Salty_allthetime
#15
Does it count when in about 7th grade I realised my eyesight was s**t and that yes, most of the kids actually could see the letters on the blackboard?
Image credits: WhiteRaven42
#16
Not being racist (In my country its very common).
Image credits: Every_Excitement2869
#17
Not me but my older sister apparently came back from her first day at kindergarten incredibly ticked off because “those kids were pretending they didn’t know how to read”.
Image credits: SmartAlec105
#18
I thought it was common for parents to control your every choice, basically your life.#19
Being hard of hearing. None of us are deaf or anything, but several people in my family have had a bit of hearing loss since birth. So in general, we all talk pretty loudly, even the ones with normal hearing. Didn’t hurt that we’re from a bit of a boisterous culture too.Then I went to school. I didn’t realize that whispering was a real thing, and not just speaking slightly softer and praying the other person heard you. I thought everyone needed subtitles to watch Netflix. I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal to walk out of the movie theater only catching 80% of the movie. I was confused how people could keep up with multiple convos in big group gatherings. I was surprised that my friends’ families talked quietly at home and didn’t practically scream just to be heard.
I finally got tested as an adult and learned that I don’t have “selective hearing” as my friends always joked about. I actually have hearing loss.
#20
I have a birthmark on my tuchus, and when I was little I noticed my grandma had a nearly identical birthmark in close to the same spot. I just assumed everyone had a buttcheek birthmark from then on.
Image credits: ewest
#21
My father tried to teach my brother and me to lie about everything because "that's how it is in the real world!"Nope! Turns out my father is either a narcissist or a psychopath (long story, but yes - those are very real possibilities).
I failed a test as a grade schooler because I got the definition of "true" and "false" wrong due to his influence. When I explained what he said to me to the teacher, she was aghast! That was the beginning of my father implementing the "don't tell anyone anything that is said in this house" rules.
#22
People just..throw away food? Im a plate licker. No waste. It breaks me to see people throw food away and if i trust them enough i will eat their leftovers myself if im not too full. Im guilty of leaving plates of unfinished food next to me until i can finish them.#23
Spacial awareness and common sense.#24
That most people don’t worry about everything and anything. It absolutely blew my mind when i realised other people didn’t constant feel fear and worry. i’d lived my entire life, right from childhood, with anxiety without knowing it wasn’t normal. Also that some people don’t think deeply. they can just see the surface and move on. for example watching sports bloopers my friend showed me a video people caning them selves on their bikes and skateboards and i was horrified that she was laughing because some of them would clearly have suffered traumatic brain injuries if not died, ended up in wheelchairs or had some lasting injury that meant they wouldn’t be able to do their sport anymore. i asked her about it and she said “i never actually thought about that, good point” also telling jokes they heard without realising how incredibly racist or sexist they were.
Image credits: FlysaMinelly
#25
Honestly, being polite. I was raised to be exceedingly polite and I feel really bad if I don't do things like let people pass in traffic or hold doors open or say my 'pleases and thanks yous'. And I like the idea of kindness being its own reward. Makes plus sum happiness in the world.It really wasn't until I entered adulthood that I really saw how dismissive people were of those concepts. So much 'I got mine' and 'I insist on beating you to that light by 1.5 seconds' in the world. Just common courtesy stuff is a rare sight and that makes me sad.
Image credits: One-Earth9294
#26
Yelling and acting negatively over seemingly simple things. Neither of my parents modeled emotional stability and I actually thought it was normal to be crazy emotional all the time. They also put me down for ever showing emotions - i wasn’t allowed to have any, even if it truly spiked an emotional response.
Image credits: stopdoingthat912
#27
I didn’t realize that it was okay to ask people for help as well as asking if I can have something. My dad made me think it was an inconvenience to ask if I could have a drink if we went to a family member’s house.
Image credits: waxystroll42
#28
That, eventually, you will end up in jail/prison. Lots of uncles, dad were locked up. It was normal.#29
Washing your hands after using the toilet.#30
I was raised fiscally conservative, probably to a fault. My grandparents never went on a vacation in their lives. My siblings and I all went to public schools and then state universities.After moving to the east coast, it's been pretty shocking to me not just the amount of money people have but how willing they are to spend it.
Image credits: mountjo
#31
Very…enthusiastic (let’s go with that word) discussions among family at dinner. My siblings naturally have very loud voices and we usually have arguments about controversial topics while we eat, which causes some interesting scenes in public. We were nearly kicked out of a fancy restaurant when I was younger because my family members were screaming at each other about capital punishment (the death penalty).#32
Playfully talk s**t to my parents just like I would with my friends.ITworksGuys:
My friend thought it was cool that my mom didn't care if we used cuss words.
Her only instruction was "don't talk like that in public and make me look like a f**king a**hole".
So funny looking back on that.
#33
Getting excited when I don't know something or find out I'm wrong because it means I get to learn something new.#34
Being able to play any musical instrument.Our family was very musical, we owned all sorts if instruments and everyone tried to play everything.
I found out as a teen that just isn't normal when, playing flute in school band, we were instructed to choose a different one. I pick up a trumpet and started to play. Everyone just stared at me.
#35
That people were generally grown up and ready to face the world when they were 18-20. There might be rough edges or blind spots, but that'll get ironed out with a little bit of experience.My first week at college quickly disabused me of that notion.
People didn't know leaving food out would cause it to spoil, that pizza boxes rot and attract vermin, didn't know how to do laundry, clean up after themselves, that getting enough sleep was necessary to function properly and letting other people sleep was the courteous and polite thing to do... Basic life skill stuff. The minute mom and dad weren't around to do everything, they had no idea how to do anything. And this is before we even get into emotional intelligence...
And these were people who were admitted to one of the best universities in the country, if not the world.
Image credits: machineprophet343
#36
Being beaten up by ur husband. i REALLY thought everyone comes to that stage in ur marriage life at some point? i really hope my husband won’t be that way..#37
Having perfect pitch. I thought it was normal and everyone had it (didn't even know it was called "perfect pitch", just thought it was a standard human ability). My elementary school music teachers found out pretty quick and told my parents that I had it at some point, but they (the teachers or my parents) didn't tell me, which I appreciate honestly.It wasn't until the middle of high school that I found out that it's called perfect pitch and most people don't have it.
#38
I thought speaking in tongues was common, because my mother did it frequently and took me to a church where others did as well.Since moving out I’ve never seen anyone do this.
#39
Looking out for other people.I remember one time in the Shenandoah we were hiking with my dad and everything was fine. But we ran across this guy with his 2(?) Daughters. They f****d up and were lost, cold and the only thing looking out for them was the baleful eye of the moon. And my dad. We drove for like forever, me and my brother in the back of the truck.
Obviously it was a bit irritating at the time, freezing your a*s off for someone else's problem at like 10 years old but it's the right thing to do and I was loved that part of him that does it, even if it's just helping a neighbor set up lights or check some plumbing. Even if he keeps this Ayn Rand bs facade up his actions have always spoken louder and to this day he's the only hypocrite I like.
#40
Driving a car.There are people out there who can't even steer a shopping cart properly. How they managed to drive their car to the store is just scary.
#41
That if your mom didn't love you, she wouldn't hit you.#42
I thought all men hated animals. Every man in my family thought animals were only worthwhile to have if they were providing something (milk, eggs, work, etc). My mom perpetuated this belief because she's always been sexist against men due to trauma, so it took a long time to unlearn all the terrible blanket statements she told me about men.#43
Smiling at everyone when walking by even in a big city or small town... depending on the situation I would usually correct myself if I felt like they thought I was insane and it wasn't until I heard a few people saying they were sus of people who smiled a lot that I put 2 and 2 together and just keep a resting meh face in cities now...Also just saying hello to people in those same scenarios and often times would get someone who totally ignores you as they walk by and very rarely do you get an answer back of a simple hi! But i do feel like this could be because of all the randos trying to rope other randos into some scam or convo where I never had that plan or idea and was simply just being courteous and friendly without any strings attached or follow ups.
#44
Complete secrecy. To never speak about my home life, not a single thing, ever.#45
Not to steal someone else’s stuff. I grew in NM so I knew about robberies n s**t (stealing car radios, robbing homes) but I mean more like stuff at the office, at school, at work, etc. I got my erasers stolen at school once and was couldn’t wrap my head around why someone would do that. I still can’t wrap my head around why people steal others food at work.#46
Anytime I started feeling weak, shaky and nauseous after not eating anything for 3-4 hours I was told it was normal and happened to everyone.Wasn’t until I was 21 and living with my bf that I discovered no, that’s not normal, I’m actually hypoglycaemic.
#47
Wishing you were born as the opposite sex.#48
Eating dinner really late. Growing up we usually ate dinner around 9:30 p.m. or so. When I got a little older and started spending time around people I couldn't understand how people were eating dinner at 5:00 in the evening.#49
Knowing (what I assumed were) incredibly basic safety-related knowledge. Like. Really basic. Like "touch something really hot and you will burn yourself" basic.My first job I worked at McDonald's, I was 18. I wasn't much older or younger than a lot of the people there (high turnover rate). I very quickly felt like a goddamn parent for a bunch of my PEERS. I ended up as a crew-trainer quite early on so I had to teach new employees how to do things.
I realized I needed to tell people, MY OWN AGE that:
1. The grill is hot. Don't touch with your bare hands.
2. The fryer is hot. Don't touch with your bare hands.
3. Boiling oil is hot. Don't touch the fryer baskets after they leave the oil with your bare hands. Or the oil. Because it is hot.
4. Fresh coffee is hot. Don't touch the kettle with your bare hands. Only the handle.
The boiling oil thing made me so nervous as well. One time I had a guy (my own damn age) after I told him how to take the fries basket out of oil (not very high, like barely out), and carefully demonstrated how to shake it so that the french fries didn't stick to each other; I caught him not five minutes later HURLING THAT S**T SO FAR INTO THE AIR AND SHAKING VIOLENTLY. I COULD SEE HUGE DROPLETS OF OIL SPRAYING INTO THE AIR. The fryer is in an area that people walk back and forth frequently. I yelped and told him "HEY. DON'T DO THAT. THAT'S DANGEROUS." He acted like I had 6 heads. I also caught him really flinging those baskets around after he dumped the fries out into the salting area, again, in the high-trafficked hallway. Like there are people assembling orders directly behind him.
Tldr; I don't care if you burn yourself because you didn't listen to me and don't realize the dangers of boiling oil and how hot those metal baskets get, but endanger other people and we have a huge f*****g problem.
#50
Being able to clap and sway in time with music.#51
Apparently, being autistic (minus the word to describe it) I only realised I was different when I wasn't around the same people as primary / high school and not around the same people I always was. Then I got a diagnosis.#52
Growing up with one highly racist parent, I was always taught that interracial couples were not okay.As an innocent kid, I didn't realize it was a racist sentiment, and thought it was a culture thing (or something?). Needless to say, I was shocked when someone of another race expressed romantic interest in me.
Image credits: CrimsonVael
#53
Take off your hat when you step indoors. Stand up to greet someone and shake their hand.#54
Not peeing on the floor in public restrooms.#55
I sneeze whenever my body experiences a sudden temperature shift. Usually when exiting a warm house on a chilly day but occasionally the opposite. I thought that's why they called it a cold. Cause everyone sneezes when they get cold. I was in my thirties the first time I shared this and was met with blank stares.#56
Having all my folder structure be alphabetized and easily searchable was something that I assumed everyone did.Until I worked for a Japanese company and they put numbers in front of everything. It finally occurred to me that Japanese does not have an alphabet like English does. And as a result you need to memorize what number corresponds to what folder in your folder tree. And because they took the Japanese numbering system and bolted it onto the English language, I couldn't find s**t. .
#57
Knowing all the lyrics to any song you've heard more than a few times.#58
To be hard working. When something needs to be done, then no excuse get it done. Be it chores around the house or things you need to take care of like vehicle maintenance, home maintenance, getting medical/dental checkup, or be it work and tasks at work. Something needs to be done, just do it, do it well, do a good job and get it done when it needs to be done, not when you “feel” like doing it.#59
Critical thinking. (Understanding regardless of right/wrong there is always a second opinion).#60
People pleasing, so used to pleasing everyone around me to the point of never making myself happy. I started saying no here and there.#61
Everyone talking s**t about other family members as soon as they leave the room. Constant gossip and judgment about other family members, and then being nice and kind to their face. Everybody hates everybody but pretends they don't.So many women in my family have Borderline Personality Disorder. There's three generations of it and it makes for a very chaotic family life. I love everyone in my family so much, but I long for a family that supports each other and is genuine and loyal.
#62
Thinking about how your words and actions teach other people how to think about and react to you.Ex: When you lie to me about small things, it makes me think you will probably lie to me about big things as well.
Any partner: ????? *shocked and baffled and accusing me of being a manipulative mastermind*
The people you interact with -perceive you- by your words and actions, they can't read your mind. You are teaching them who you are and what to expect with your behavior.
Apparently this concept is rocket science.
#63
I thought everybody walked around holding in an overwhelming sense of dread because of tiny coincidences, I thought everyone was constantly agonizing over intrusive thoughts and went to the same great lengths as me to prove those thoughts wrong.Turns out I have OCD and depression, and while the diagnoses existed in the 80’s and 90’s that were my childhood; they were very much not the sort of thing that happened to ordinary folks living in small town Nothingsberg, Nebraska (not a real place)….
#64
That it's bad to cuss. I didn't know so many people say those words though. Even normally.#65
I didn’t know people couldn’t rap. One of my best friends best me ten bucks I couldn’t learn rap god in a week, I came back and did it in 2 days. I guys I just thought it was normal for people to talk fast.#66
That everyone sneezes when they look up towards the sun or a bright light. Wasn’t until I was 35 I found out it’s really only about 12% of people….#67
Selflessness. I’m not a stingy person. I give close friends & family my time, money, food whatever they need when they need it. Always a phone call away but whenever I needed help, at the lowest point of my life. I was devastated to find out they rarely reciprocated.#68
Logic, consideration, rationality. Ever since I was a toddler whenever I did something wrong, my mom wouldn't simply scold me but sit me aside, and explain to my why what I did was wrong or inappropriate, how it's not a decent way to behave, how I should think about how it might make others feel, topped of with a good dose of strict reprimand to be sure nonetheless.But it taught me to think for myself, and appreciate my actions and understand what it meant to be decent. The one thing I can never fully understand even to this day, isn't why people behave badly but how people behave badly and fail to have even the slightest self-awareness of their own actions and the poorness of their form, even when they are clear and egregious in said actions.
#69
Telling the truth. It's surprising how many people I know will lie, even when it benefits no one. Not as in it works against someone, but literally doesn't benefit anyone. Like lying and saying you love sushi, or lying and saying you saw a Bugatti on the road.Also, being trusting in your partner of choice. So many of my old coworkers would give me the side eye when I said my wife worked in a male-dominated field. Like sorry Kevin, I didn't marry a ho that's going to get g********d by the dudes at her job, sorry to hear that you married wrong.
#70
A casual attitude to sex, which I mean in mostly a negative sense. largely because that was the attitude of people in my family and social circles.#71
Everybody’s dad is a d**k and mom a narcissist. Some parents are actually lovely humans.#72
Unfettered access to books and a large vocabulary. Both my brother and I had access to any book we wanted within reason. I wasn’t allowed p*rn at ten obviously. But if I wanted to research the Holocaust, I was given my library card and sent off. Ancient Rome? Here’s a bag make sure you can carry it out. Nothing was off limits and my mother always helped us with words we didn’t know. By sixth grade, my brother and I had easily read 1000s of books from various sources and had great vocabulary. Most of my middle school teachers were shocked to find that I didn’t need speaking skills. I already had them at a high school level. I was mostly confused as to why nobody understood the common words spoken in my home.#73
Talking with hands. Gesticulation not sign language.#74
I thought people actually did things the honest way until I started to realise most people find shortcuts (i.e. cheat) or embellish things.Its not even about work smarter not harder.
#75
Trust and honesty. Boy was I wrong.#76
Emotionless logic where you can think about a problem/issue without letting your feelings take over.Hunter13ua:
Yeah this went from "this guy had great problem solving skills" in school and uni to "wtf is wrong with you" everywhere else for me at some point.
#77
Basic problem solving apparently. Way too many people I see basically just shut down when presented with something they don't understand or don't really know how to do. Like they don't ask for help they don't Google around or look up tutorials They just shut down and are like well I don't know how to do that so I guess it's a lost cause.#78
That everyone has 6 TV's. Turns out it was just my weirdo family.#79
Generosity.#80
Growing up my parents told me frequently that I was 'not special'. Not _necessarily_ in a mean way but basically saying I wasn't different to any other kid. Specifically remember my dad saying there was someone out there who was so similar to me they could walk past him and he wouldn't be able to tell the difference.Was chatting to my boyfriend and he made a comment about how his mum and dad told him he was special and unique ALL the time. I'd just never actually thought about parents who talk to their kids like that. I thought it was so weird...he looked concerned ?.
#81
I thought it was normal to be told no. I’d ask to go do stuff with friends, or could we have this for dinner, or something. My parents were well off but not rich so middle class but they definitely have money. Like anything as a young kid I wanted to go do stuff with family or friends no. Rarely could stay the night nothing. I turn abt 14. I go to school, work on a farm work till 8pm, and then get home go to bed. Well all the sudden my parents turned it around. They always tell me to go hang out with friends and said no thanks I’d rather work. And I did my chores at the house and worked I rarely was ever home. On the weekends I’d sleep in and go in late and work late. Gotta love when your parents turn you into a introvert that likes sports and farming and only has a couple friends.#82
Caring for the environment, I was gobsmacking in college when I found out that my peers didn’t know how to recycle or compost.#83
Greed.I was raised with simple things told to me about the world:
* poor people are kind because they want to be rewarded for it with money
* rich people are a*s-holes because they don't need to be rewarded with money
* women pick a husband for themselves based on his wallet.
