Losing a baby is a very tough thing to go through for anyone. But just like in nature, sometimes, there’s a rainbow after the storm, and a rainbow baby can come into a person’s life either by birth or adoption.
While having a baby might solve a longing to be a parent, it could create other problems in your social life, too. For example, it’s quite common for friendships to get complicated after one, some, or all parties become parents. And it can become especially complicated if the childless friends also suffer from pregnancy loss but aren’t as lucky to get a rainbow baby. As you might be able to guess — this is what happened in today’s story.
More info: Slate
Sometimes, friends grow apart from each other, and there’s not much any of them can do about it
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
A woman gave birth to her rainbow baby exactly a year after her miscarriage
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
One of her friends, who also suffered from pregnancy loss, never acknowledged the baby, so the woman was vexed about her behavior
Today’s story’s main character went to Slate magazine’s advice column, “Care and Feeding.” She recently gave birth to her first child, who’s a rainbow baby. A rainbow baby is a baby who’s born or adopted by a parent(s) who previously lost a child. The said loss can be attributed to miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death.
The name for this phenomenon comes from the idea that a rainbow appears in the sky after a storm, so a rainbow baby comes to a family after the loss of the previous one(s). Basically, the name symbolizes healing and hope.
Right after the baby’s birth, the woman didn’t see many friends, but they all congratulated her in one way or another and soon came to visit. Except for one friend. This friend didn’t show any interest in the baby at all. Granted, knowing that she herself suffered from several pregnancy losses, it was likely hard for her, as she doesn’t have a rainbow child right now.
Why the woman is confused about her disinterest in the baby is because she seemed quite okay with the news that the woman was expecting, and they hung out during the pregnancy. The radio silence started after the birth. And when the mom kept reaching out to said friend, she never acknowledged the woman’s child.
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Also, the woman claims that she supported the friend during all her life milestones, so she expects her to do the same.
When you seek advice, you usually get it in one form or another. And today’s story’s woman got it from the writer at Slate magazine. She acknowledged the woman’s disappointment in her friend for not being interested in her long-awaited baby, but at the same time, she was shocked by her lack of empathy.
Essentially, the advice was that the woman should consider her friend’s feelings more. She wasn’t so lucky to get a rainbow baby, so it might be hard for her to watch a friend get one. After all, as a mom who experienced pregnancy loss, she should be more empathetic.
A very similar sentiment was expressed by people online as well. They called out the woman for comparing life milestones like getting a house to getting pregnant. For them, it was very telling that she viewed her friend as someone to compete with and not a genuine friend. Also, sometimes, it’s natural for friends to move on from each other after some of them have kids, and in this kind of situation, it isn’t much of a surprise that it happened.
So, naturally, folks online preached the given advice, as it was very clear to nearly everyone that the woman lacked basic empathy.
Everyone online told the mom that she needed to become more empathetic to her friend who doesn’t have her own rainbow baby, and people said the actual jerk in the situation was her, not the friend
