UPROXX 20: Melissa Fumero Can Get By Just Fine On Spicy Margaritas And Lizzo’s Instagram Posts

If you were to imagine how the Brooklyn Nine-Nine cast might spend their quarantine, Amy Santiago would almost certainly be baking her own sourdough bread. Or, trying to. It wouldn’t turn out well, she’d end up taking her frustration out on the nearest appliance, and then she’d probably start drinking.

It’s a good thing, then, that Melissa Fumero is nothing like the character she plays on the popular cop-comedy. Her “to-do” list is just three shows long, she’s mining Twitter for motivation, and she dreams of sleeping in and brunching when both are possible again — though, once you have kids, is sleeping in ever really in the cards?

Ahead of her Room 104 debut, where she plays a divorcee debating a hairstyle change, we invited Fumero into our UPROXX 20 club. Here’s what she told us.

1. You walk into a bar. What do you order from the bartender?

A spicy margarita.

2. Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?

On Twitter, my friend and former B99 writer Vanessa Ramos introduced me to [the] Jurassic Park Updates account and I love it. As I scroll through horrible and terrifying news, I get random and hilarious tweets about dinosaurs like “the dinosaurs are kind of just chillin out rn listening to ‘Biting Bown’ by Lorde.” It makes me so happy.

On Instagram, I love Lizzo. She is just so fierce, and funny, and strong. Her posts get me inspired or fired up. And right now, I’m also loving @babyfoode for good foodie inspired baby food recipes.

3. What’s currently waiting for you on your DVR or in your streaming queue?

Fleabag, Killing Eve, and Hightown are the next three shows I want to watch. I’m so behind. I have small children!

4. It’s your last meal — what are you going out with?

My Abuela’s rabo encendido (oxtail), tostones, Cuban bread, and a big, bold Cabernet Sauvignon.

5. What websites do you visit on a regular basis?

Ugh, Twitter. LA Times. Eater LA.

6. What’s the most frequently played song on your mobile device?

“You’re Welcome” from Moana. I have a four-year-old.

7. If you could go back and give your 18-year-old self one piece of advice what would it be?

Stop tweezing your eyebrows. That cute tap dancer is not worth your time. Take a film class, and spend more time with your mentor because you’ll only have three years with him.

8. What’s the last thing you Googled?

“How do I find my most played song?”

9. Dogs or cats?

100% dogs, but I appreciate a cat’s “I give zero f*cks” lifestyle.

10. Best concert of your life was…?

New Kids on the Block reunion tour as an adult, in New Jersey. Me and some girlfriends dressed up in jean jackets and side ponytails. It was an epic night.

11. What book are you most likely to give as a gift?

Many Lives, Many Masters.

12. What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

I lived in an apartment in Queens and I had painted one wall in my bedroom this ugly dark red color. I don’t know what I was thinking and I was too lazy to change it. Well, David [my husband] also hated it so one day while I was at work he, and our friend Javier, repainted the whole room this beautiful soft olive-y green and rearranged all my furniture so I came home to a whole room makeover. I think I cried. It was so nice.

13. South Park or Family Guy?

South Park.

14. You have an entire day to do whatever you want. What would you do?

Sleep in completely unbothered by any small humans, then some yoga, then some gluttonous brunch with friends, then a nap, a massage, play on a beach with my kids, then leave kids with a sitter and have a decadent dinner and cocktails with my husband. God, that sounds like a damn good day. I miss normal life.

15. What movie can you not resist watching if it’s on?

Anything Marvel and Big Fish.

16. The sports team or teams you’re most passionate about?

I don’t watch any sports, don’t hate me.

17. Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

Epicure restaurant in Paris with my husband, and my castmates Stephanie [Beatriz] and her boyfriend at the time, Joe [Lo Truglio] and his wife Beth. It was a five-hour dinner and absolutely incredible.

18. The last movie you saw in a theater?

Frozen 2. I think I loved it more than my four-year-old.

19. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Harrison Ford. Indiana Jones gave me all the tingles.

20. What would you cook if Nic Cage were coming to your house for dinner?

Feels like steak would be a safe choice? What if he’s a vegan? This is a lot of pressure. Why is Nic Cage coming to my house?!

PREVIOUSLY: Esther Povitsky