Chores, cooking, and laundry – the three things at home that seem to be never-ending. As there usually seems to be no end in sight, it might be best to tackle them as a team and not leave it to one person in the household to carry all the load.
Yet in his home, this redditor was the one taking care of most of the chores. That didn’t seem to bother him much, though, that was until he overheard his wife talking to her friends about it all.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist, author, and mental health advocate, Dr. Monica Vermani, who was kind enough to share her insight on how disagreements over chores can affect people’s relationship.
Chores are way easier to tackle when it’s a team effort
Image credits: senivpetro / freepik (not the actual photo)
This man had to take care of most chores on his own
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRa_SadHusband8
Many couples admit having disagreements over chores
Image credits: avistock / freepik (not the actual photo)
Unless you’re like Monica from Friends, you probably don’t look forward to dancing around with the vacuum cleaner or scrubbing the bathroom tile. I will even go as far as to assume that few people do. That’s why it can become quite tiring and annoying, especially if you’re the only one taking care of chores in a dwelling housing multiple people.
Unless we’re talking about babies here, it only makes sense to divide the load of the never-ending chores between all members of the household. But there is no right way to share the tasks and responsibilities, so families, couples, or roommates usually come up with an arrangement of their own. One key thing when it comes to such arrangements, though, is making sure that everyone involved is okay with it.
Needless to say, not being happy with the way chores are divided between household members can cast a cloud over their relationships. When it comes to couples, for instance, the vast majority admit that housework has caused troubles within their relationship. A survey of 2,000 Americans who live with a partner found that as much as 80% of them had had disagreements about housework, and one-fifth of them said that they would have such disagreements often. What are the main points discussed during said disagreements, you wonder? When to do housework, how to do it, and, last but definitely not least, who should do it.
“Remember that your partner is not your parent,” expert says
Image credits: Grinvalds / freepik (not the actual photo)
Discussing how chores can affect a romantic relationship, the clinical psychologist, author, and mental health advocate Dr. Monica Vermani made four points to keep in mind, to make sure that chores don’t stand in the way of a good relationship: choosing your partner wisely, prioritizing your relationship, remembering that your partner is not your parent, and seeking the help of a couple or marriage therapist or counselor, if need be.
“Though we could get along or have a relationship with any number of different people, and sometimes opposites attract, it is important to choose a partner who aligns with your values. When someone aligns with your values, you will not need to cajole, remind, prompt, or nag them to live up to your expectations,” the expert suggested, discussing the first of the four. “Choose your partner wisely, and your daily life will not be an uphill battle, and you will be less likely to feel alone, taken advantage of, and disrespected in your relationship.”
Talking about the second point—prioritizing the relationship—Dr. Vermani emphasized that it’s important to work on areas of conflict. “Take an inventory of both your and your partner’s needs, wants, and expectations. Be honest with yourself and with your partner when you feel undervalued. Don’t let things slide into disrepair. Stay present and engaged. Set an intention to keep your relationship healthy and respectful.
“Remember that your partner is not your parent,” Dr. Vermani continued. “A mature, sustainable partnership involves both partners trying to contribute fairly and equitably to the running and flourishing of both the partnership and the household. Stay mindful of old habits and patterns from your role models, and how re-enacting these role models could negatively impact the quality — and sustenance — of your relationship.”
Lastly, don’t hesitate to look for help outside the relationship, if you are struggling with sharing the burden of household and family responsibilities, the expert suggests. “A therapist or counselor can help with conflict resolution, communication problems, feelings of disconnection, and rebuilding trust in your relationship.”
It’s important to keep in mind that taking your partner for granted will lead to consequences
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Unfortunately, sometimes, even if you feel like you’ve chosen your partner wisely, they might end up taking you for granted, as the OP’s wife seemingly did. Not only that, she took credit for keeping the house clean, when in reality, it was her husband’s doing, which didn’t play to her advantage, either.
“Individuals who are in a serious intimate-partner relationship need to realize that they cannot take their partner for granted, or that hurtful or thoughtless behaviors have consequences,” Dr. Vermani noted, talking about how similar situations can influence romantic relationships.
“They need to realize that besides being a choice, love is also a verb! Love means acting with compassion and kindness toward your partner. The goal needs to be to show our love through our actions. We need to be the best version of ourselves in order that our partner continues to choose us,” she added.
“Bottom line – taking people for granted leads to consequences,” Dr. Vermani said, and she couldn’t have been more right. In the OP’s case, the consequences were marriage counselling, as he later shared in one of his updates, letting fellow netizens in on how the story unraveled.
Netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, they didn’t keep their opinions to themselves
Some people shared similar stories
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The OP later provided an update on how the story continued
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Netizens believed the man was worthy of more respect from his wife
