Woman Buys New PC, Gets Called ‘Too Dumb’ To Understand It By Jealous Boyfriend

Envy isn’t one of the most pleasant emotions, especially when it’s felt in a relationship. It often arises when a person has minor insecurities, and if they’re left unaddressed, they can negatively affect the partnership.

In redditor’s Gamergirlaita case, the thing that conjured up envy in her relationship was a gaming computer. The partners both shared their love of playing video games, but when the girlfriend decided to update her equipment, the boyfriend got upset and insulted her. One heated thing led to another, and their hobby became the reason their relationship crumbled in 24 hours.

Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with relationship coach Dawn Lucht, who kindly agreed to tell us more about envy in relationships.

Having shared hobbies in a relationship can be a lot of fun

Image credits: Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo)

However, in this relationship, it became a thing that majorly conjured up envy

Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: gamergirlaita

Later, the author provided an update

“Jealousy in any relationship is about the jealous person feeling insecure”

Experts note that while jealousy is often used interchangeably with envy, they are quite distinct emotions. The latter means to feel resentful or unhappy because another person possesses or has achieved something they wish to have or accomplish. Whereas jealousy is a fear of losing something that the individual already has to a rival, like a person’s love, affection, or attention. While jealousy can be rational, this is not the case for envy (except in some circumstances).

Bored Panda reached out to relationship coach Dawn Lucht who believes that there’s no such thing as healthy jealousy in a relationship. She says, “Jealousy in any relationship is about the jealous person feeling insecure, and the person who’s the focal point of the jealousy is possibly acting in a way that creates a feeling of unsafety in the relationship. At the root of this jealous behavior is often fear. Fear of rejection, abandonment, judgment, or not being “enough.”

Lucht suggests that a common trigger that conjures up this emotion is a need for constant reassurance. When they don’t receive it, they instantly feel jealous. A person can be triggered when their significant other is speaking to another person who they deem a threat. Or starting to talk more about a new person that’s come into their lives.

Some signs indicating that the partner feels envious are if they don’t look genuinely happy for the other person’s successes or if they criticize something important to them. They might also minimize accomplishments or constantly compare wages or job positions.

Image credits: Anete Lusina / pexels (not the actual photo)

How jealousy affects a relationship depends on the way we react to our feelings

How it affects a relationship depends on what we do with the way we feel. Neuroscientist Berit Brogaard advises refraining from acting on such feelings right away. Intense and frequent episodes of envy only cause havoc in relationships when they are acted upon.

She further explains, “Feel, but don’t act. If the need arises, consider explaining your feelings to your romantic partner, friend, or family member. Perhaps they can help. But don’t attempt to have this conversation when you are consumed by these destructive feelings. Wait till you feel calmer.”

Since such emotions often go hand in hand with low self-esteem and insecurity issues, Dawn recommends, “Take responsibility for your behaviors and not expect the other person to change to make you feel more comfortable.”

She also mentions that it’s important to talk to your partner and make sure both of you are creating “safety” in your relationship where you can talk about anything. “Get to know your “attachment style” and understand the impact that has on your relationship. Speak to a professional who can help you with your confidence and self-worth,” she adds.

Furthermore, she notes that “If the person you’re with is constantly trying to make you feel jealous, then this is a red flag too, and you need to address this head-on. If it continues, either seek professional help and/ or be courageous enough to enforce healthy boundaries or leave.”

Meanwhile, clinical psychologist Raquel Martin, PhD, advises people frequently feeling envy to not let the emotion define them. “Shaming or guilting yourself for experiencing the emotions won’t help you heal,” Martin says.

Something else that might help is to self-reflect and see what causes such a reaction. Once you notice a pattern, it’s easier to address it. It might be summoned by certain people or social media. In that case, it’s time to do a spring cleaning of what you’re following “While a little bit of envy is good to tell us what we want in life, following 100 celebrities and feeling envy for hours a day on social media is not healthy.”